The Butlered Buffet

If you really think about it, servers walking around with appetizers/finger food is a form of buffet.  You can choose your own portions (if you're gutsy) and build a plate, just like a buffet.  You're probably balancing a drink and a napkin too.

So, the same rules should apply:

1. Here, "walking the buffet" is done more stealthily.  As you walk through the room, notice what people have on their plates.  If you see lots of half-eaten things, steer clear.  If you see just empty skewers, go for whatever was on those skewers!  Of course, don't be afraid to chat up a server and ask what else is coming from the kitchen today.  It's an important part of building your plate, and therefore "running the butlered buffet."

2. Positioning counts.  Get near the kitchen to get it hot and get it early.

3. Make friends with the server who has your favorite dish.  Make sure they know to find you when they have a few left and want to get back to the kitchen to refill.

4. Avoid anything that involves silverware unless you have mastered the one hand drink/plate handle (video coming in future post), or you aren't drinking.  If you have to park at a table, you run the risk of not being able to flow with the food.

ADVANCED TECHNIQUE: Ask your favorite server what's for the main course (if there is one), and you can start planning your plate NOW.  If you don't like what's on the main course, get a friend next to you to take one of everything you take from the server and put it on your plate when they walk away.  Look, it's your meal, nobody is looking out for it but you.

"Fat Chance" - a Starter's Guide

A few time-honored buffet tricks that will raise your Buffet I.Q. right from the word "eat."

1. WALK THE BUFFET.  Never, never, never take your plate at the beginning of the line without knowing the entire contents of the buffet.  I cannot stress this enough.  It provides for proper planning, and is a bare minimum for running the buffet.

2. WALK THE BUFFET.  It's so important, it's worth saying it twice.  Easy way to do it: start at the last dish and walk backwards down the buffet until you get to the plates.  Nobody could tell that you were eye-ing up the roasted potatoes, and you didn't waste a chance to be further up in line and get hotter food.

3. Silverware in the pocket.  If you get silverware wrapped in a napkin at the start of the buffet line, put it in your pocket (or for advanced users, behind your ear) so you can free both hands up.

4. Don't be afraid to wave off the server or ask for more.  It's your plate; build it properly.  If you want a second helping, just leave the plate there until the server gets the hint.

5. Notice that the lower quality filling stuff is more likely to be closer to the beginning of the line.  That's to fill you up and make the kitchen refill the expensive (tastier) stuff less.  Don't fall for this common "rookie mistake."

6. Until you learn how to balance both (coming in a later post), leave the drink with someone you trust, at a secured place setting, or wait until you have your plate to get it in the first place.  The last one can be risky, because it requires you abandoning your plate to go get a drink (unless you're at a restaurant), which can either get bussed or poached by a hungry friend.

The 2 kinds of Buffets

There are 2 basic kinds of buffets that I'm going to talk about:

1. Dining Establishment buffets: These range from seafood bars to casinos to rodizios to Pizza Hut lunch buffets to restaurant brunches.  In these cases, the emphasis will not be providing a detailed account of all of the food options and prices of the particular establishments in question, rather a chance to discuss how you approach different categories of buffet with different goals in mind.  You have paid for the food in these cases, which adds an additional layer of "responsibility" on the eater to make sure you Run the Buffet (remember, not about eating the most, it's about building the best possible plates).

2. Non-paid buffets: These range from wedding buffets to corporate parties to Easter at Grandmom's to large barbeques with friends.  Here, your focus is probably on tasting and trying different things, sampling everyone's work (if the food was homemade) and building the best plate possible.  Equally important to Run the Buffet, but you'll do it differently.

Of course, we're going to share tips on not only strategy but the best places to actually practice this, pictures of fun buffet experiences, and even experimenting with plate combinations that you've found were unexpectedly tasty.

"Running the Buffet" - a Philosophy

A buffet is many things to many people.  To me, it's a chance to learn more about what I like and what I don't like.  To experiment, to make new combinations and enjoy new flavors.  It affords you the flexibility to taste many things without being tied down to an entree.  Or, for a meal buffet, it gives you the chance to proportion your plate in a way the kitchen never would.  You want all starches? You got it.

But I see far too many people miss their chance to "run the buffet."  I take this term loosely from "run your plate" in the 1986 movie Fatso.  For me, "running the buffet" means "getting the ideal quantity and quality for my dining experience out of the options presented."

It involves a little bit of planning, and a little foresight, and also knowing what your tastes are, but it's always, ALWAYS worth it.  You never want to feel like "I could have played that buffet better.  I loaded up on the potatoes and missed out on the pasta."  Or, "breakfast was good, but this is a brunch, and I totally overate without regard for the chance of lunch as a second course."

There are many ways to plan a plate, and many ways to run the buffet.  This blog is a forum for yours and mine.  I'd like to learn more...

There IS a right way to Run the Buffet

Picture this: You're at a wedding and the appetizer buffet is revealed.  You just finished your 10 minute wait in line to get your drink, and now you're down to only one hand and an open buffet.  Obediently, you get in line behind the rest of the guests, see the antipasta and get excited.  You're halfway down the buffet and your plate is full.  Your drink, which you set down on a table both to reserve your seat and to free up a hand (rookie move) has been bussed by the eager high schooler looking to make a good impression on the kitchen.  Score: Wedding-2, You-0.

There IS a right way to Run the Buffet.  But my way (honed after hundreds of buffets) isn't the only way.  I want to hear yours.  And your favorite buffets around the country.  Common pitfalls.  How to know when to lay down and take a nap.  How to approach the infamous "Around the World" buffet at a Vegas casino.

So, share your success stories.  Tell the world how, where, and why you Run the Buffet...

C'mon in. Dinner's served.