Booze and Buffet

Ok, so summer cookouts are not only a challenge for the buffet, but they typically involve the extra twist of alcohol.  Let's look at this 3 ways:

1. Pairings*: 

Appetizers/finger food - beer

Pastas/salads - nothing

Meat - beer

Dessert - haven't you learned that if you do it right, there's no room for dessert?!

1a. Alternate pairings*:

Appetizers/finger food - liquor

Pastas/salads - liquor

Meat - beer (remember, "Liquor before Beer, in the clear")

Dessert - ibid

2. If you're looking to get drunk (and you're not driving):

Beer

Appetizers/finger food

Beer

Pastas/salads

Beer

Meat, with beer

Dessert - uh...

The idea here is that by drinking beer throughout, you'll end up eating less, which will do less to sober you up.  WARNING: this approach will end up in less food consumed... you just need to be ok with that.

3. If you're NOT looking to get drunk:

Appetizers/finger food

Pastas/salads

Beer

Meat, with tequila

Meat, with meat (second and third courses)

Here, you'll get woozy, but it'll be a "carnicoma", not a drunken stupor.

On the left, you can vote for your favorite approach...

*This requires the plate-drink-simul-carry.  I've seen a lot of different techniques to accomplish this, and they seem to vary by hand size.  I'm working to assemble a tutorial of all I've come across.  If you happen to have a picture doing it, send it to me, and I'll make sure it gets included.

The "Backyard" Buffet

As summer approaches and backyard warriors unleash their "famous" recipes, remember the law of the buffet: WALK the buffet, RUN the plate.

A few things to consider with the Backyard Buffet:

• Corn on the cob takes up a lot of room on the plate, plan accordingly. Don't accidentally come across the corn at the end and, not having any room, plop it on top of everything else. That's a bush league move.
• If you're going to dress your burger, leave ample space on the plate to keep the bun open as you walk your plate through the line. I'd recommend going meat first in this case (unlike most other buffets), because you can open the bun, dress everything, close it, and THEN hit the rest of the buffet.
• Mixing hot and cold dishes on the same plate is up to you, but remember, it's a buffet... time is on your side.
• Speaking of time, be sure you know what's going on with the grill. You don't have to hover, but if a different course/meat is coming out later, a simple question keeps you from peaking too soon (see "The Butlered Buffet") on hot dogs, when sausages are coming in the next wave.

Two pieces of etiquette to consider:

• Don't insult the chef. If you don't like a particular marinade or dish, eat it. Most guys, especially, pick this one particular time of the year to care about cooking, so encourage your fellow man, don't tell him "You should taste myyyy buffalo wings! Those are reeeeally spicy!" What you'll get in return is something like "You should leave myyyy house, before I kick yooour butt!"
• BUS YOUR PLATE and cup. Nothing annoys your host more than leaving your plate wherever you were sitting when you decided to jump into the frisbee game.

Finally, I'd encourage you to mix it up with the buffet. You have a chance to try new things, new combinations, new plates. Take flavors you like from your friends and try to build on them yourself.

The Brazilian Steakhouse - The 80/10/30 Rule

Have you ever experienced the Brazilian Steakhouse (a.k.a. Churrascaria)?  It's meat served in the traditional Brazilian "gaucho" style.  Which loosely translated means you eat until you can't fit into your pants.  (A few links to excellent ones at the bottom of this post.)

You have a coaster at your place setting with one green and one red face.  When you turn the coaster to green, gauchos come to your table holding different cuts of meat on skewers (turn it back to red to make them stop).  Everything from top round steak to filet to sirloin to bacon-wrapped pork.  They place the point of the skewer next to your plate, hand you a small pair of tongs, and slowly cut your piece right off the skewer, which you catch with the tongs and put onto your plate.

That's the general idea.  Here's how it falls into a "buffet" category.  First off, while you might not be moving, it is a buffet in my mind, because it is an all-you-can-eat assortment of flavors coming directly to you (and let's face it, isn't that the ideal buffet anyway?).  Second, you can sample, you can pass on certain cuts (more on that later) and you never place an order.  Third, there is typically a large and beautiful salad bar that is meant to provide "variety" to your carnivorous decadence.  And that, my friends, is where it gets tricky.

Now, we start talking strategy.

I adhere to a few general rules in a place like this.

1. Flip to Green immediately.  Seriously.  You're here.  What are you waiting for?  Salad is for later.  No appetizers, get right to the meat.

2. Pass on anything non-cow.  The churrascaria style is traditionally extra salty; anything but beef becomes very dense and difficult to finish, and therefore a waste of your plate.

3. Focus on your pace and abide by the 80/10/30 rule.  Eat to about 80% capacity.  Take a deep breath.  Go for a quick walk around the salad bar.  REMEMBER TO WALK THE ENTIRE BUFFET before touching a plate.  Give yourself some leafy greens, nothing too filling.  Eat about 10% of your capacity on your salad.  Give it another quick rest.  You're good for another 30% on the meat.  I swear.  It works.  Now you're giving it 120%!

4. Dessert is optional.  Frankly, I believe that if you have room for dessert in a place like this, you misplayed your plate.

I've put the 80/10/30 rule to the test in a few different churrascarias, and it works perfectly.  Just when you think you're done, you surprise yourself.

Of course when you're done, you slip into a "carni-coma."  Hopefully, you're not driving home.

Excellent churrascaria in Philadelphia: Fogo de Chao

Excellent one in New York: Plataforma

Both noted as "favorites" of this blog

Eating for 3

My wife and I are pregnant. It's our first, I'm thrilled, and I have already started strategizing my new buffet approach.

Clearly, this part of the pregnancy adds a whole lot of new dynamics to my life, most important of which is that my strategy for running a buffet needs to change.

She has a love-hate relationship with food right now (as opposed to my love-love relationship). That means that if we were to both go to a buffet, I would have to pare back my own plate, and definitely not put anything on it that she's putting on hers, because without fail, she won't finish and I'll be compelled to polish off her plate (I hate an unfinished plate). So imagine the horror if I were to have taken a full serving of roasted red bliss potatoes and then have to eat hers too!

Instead, I see it more like splitting my own well-built plate over two dishes, putting on hers all the stuff I know she'll eat. Then, when she says "Oh God, I'm done. Please take this away," I'll be able to swoop right in and have managed a perfectly planned plate, just across two dishes.


Ok, I've got it figured out. BRING ON THE BABY!

Not a Buffet "Review" Site

I've searched the web and found a lot of places that review a buffet like a restaurant.   While this might be a handy way to try to start one's own "Zagat" guide, it's not what I'm doing here.

This blog is about strategy and striving for your dreams.  And destroying a buffet.

I actually resent the idea that "The All You Can Eat Buffet is NOT a Challenge."  Personally, though not a competitive eater, I see buffets as a chance to flex my eating muscles and push myself to achieve buffet greatness.

I fully expect to waddle away fat, happy, and sweating.  So, eat it.

2-hour buffet

I heard of the 2-hour buffet for the first time this weekend.  Apparently, these are places where you plop down a few bucks and get unlimited drinks and food for 2 hours.

I need to find one.  I need to test these theories.  I need to learn how to "run the buffet" at the 2-hour buffet.

If you've heard of one, or know where to find one, please comment!  I will "research" and report my findings... 

The Butlered Buffet

If you really think about it, servers walking around with appetizers/finger food is a form of buffet.  You can choose your own portions (if you're gutsy) and build a plate, just like a buffet.  You're probably balancing a drink and a napkin too.

So, the same rules should apply:

1. Here, "walking the buffet" is done more stealthily.  As you walk through the room, notice what people have on their plates.  If you see lots of half-eaten things, steer clear.  If you see just empty skewers, go for whatever was on those skewers!  Of course, don't be afraid to chat up a server and ask what else is coming from the kitchen today.  It's an important part of building your plate, and therefore "running the butlered buffet."

2. Positioning counts.  Get near the kitchen to get it hot and get it early.

3. Make friends with the server who has your favorite dish.  Make sure they know to find you when they have a few left and want to get back to the kitchen to refill.

4. Avoid anything that involves silverware unless you have mastered the one hand drink/plate handle (video coming in future post), or you aren't drinking.  If you have to park at a table, you run the risk of not being able to flow with the food.

ADVANCED TECHNIQUE: Ask your favorite server what's for the main course (if there is one), and you can start planning your plate NOW.  If you don't like what's on the main course, get a friend next to you to take one of everything you take from the server and put it on your plate when they walk away.  Look, it's your meal, nobody is looking out for it but you.